Virtual rave veterans complain that the virtual scene ain’t the same anymore

Two months deep into this whole virtual rave scene and we’ve seen a whole evolutional change according to some. Those who were part of the scene before it became “mainstream” complain that there’s a whole bunch of posers. “PLUR avenger” who claims to be an OG reminisces on the old virtual rave days where people appreciated the live stream acts and were watching for the love of music. “I miss those days” said PLUR avenger. As time passes by fellow OG virtual ravers are getting together and spreading their knowledge and sharing pictures and videos of the “good old days” with in EDM groups on Facebook.

EDC Las Vegas goes its first year without shuttle complaints

Year after year the complaints roll in from festival attendees about how delayed shuttles are and how the whole EDC Las Vegas shuttle system sucks.This year turned out totally different with all three days totaling to zero complaints. Those who help Pasquale Rotella organize never look forward to the grueling task that comes with shuttles and the shit show it brings. One of the people who volunteered this year to help organize told us that Covid-19 definitely made things easier and stress free. “Hearing people complain about a generic ass set they missed thatˋs probably pre recorded and played over and over for the last 3 years can get pretty tiring” said the same volunteer who didn’t want to be identified. As the 2020 edition ends we look forward to planning 2021 and hope that this hot streak of zero shuttle complaints continue.

Pasquale Rotella claims that the virtual EDC lemonade will taste as fresh

There was reassurance that there will be enough virtual lemonade to go around for those tuning in for the virtual EDC weekend. Pasquale claims that the virtual lemonade won’t disappoint and says it may taste better than the original. “I myself tried it and it was amazing.” Said Pasquale. programmers have programmed 3 different flavors including strawberry, which seems to be the favorite around the Insomniac corporate office.

The lemonade will be free with free refills, but the downside sensors which are put around the mouth is the only way one can taste the virtual lemonade costs $5 and only good for one cup of lemonade. Each lemonade will require new oral sensors.

Marshmello’s mom forgot what her son looks like

We all know Dotcom took a different route to EDM popularity years ago and came out with a new entity known as Marshmello. Taking a more of a secret identity approach even though we all know who it really is by now, it seems Marshmello takes his costume look a little too far. It’s claimed by family members and friends that the helmet never comes off. His mom on the other hand has forgotten what her son looks like and even forgot what he sounds like. “Its been so long since I saw my little boy and sometimes wonder if that person in the helmet is really him”. Marshmello’s mom begs for him to take off the helmet, but he is determined to stay in character. We got to speak to his girlfriend and she claims that even during sexual intercourse the helmet stays on and by now she has gotten use to the situation and treats it as role playing during sex. Marshmello on the other hand has a stunning career that keeps getting better for him.

Ravers who were looking for Molly were actually part of a police search party

The search for Molly went cold as memories of her faded over the years. From undercover cops at events to our fellow ravers, everyone was looking for Molly. The news spread like wildfire, but no one ever found her. Flyers, shirts and even posts on social media were made in hopes of finding Molly, but no luck. Top DJs were also part of the search offering up resources in hopes of finding her. This tragic event has taught me a few things, that ravers will have each others back, this community does care and PLUR exists. The effort everyone put into this search gives me hope that this scene will never die.

Festival season to resume if ravers stop showing so much PLUR

We’ve been given an ultimatum, that in my opinion is worth taking if we want to rave anytime soon. The CDC have done their part by telling festival organizers to inform ravers that being PLUR is a no go. No mid roll hugging your homie because you’re on a good one and no trading Kandi especially trades that include head touches. The CDC will have none of it!

If that wasn’t enough the CDC is strongly urging couples not to show PDA. Holding hands may only be allowed if gloves are warn. Government drones with cameras will be hovering at low altitudes with 9mm glocks attached to them only going off when sensors indicate human to human contact. Organizers are very apologetic about these unorthodox methods, but this would be the only way to ensure music festivals won’t get cancelled going forward.

Las Vegas unemployment rate spikes up 75% as club promoters are out of work

It’s looking ugly for the Las Vegas strip as it seems the unemployment rate spiked up overnight with the city’s bunch of annoying club promoters stuck at home with nothing to promote, but virtual raves and live streams. The strip, known for its foot traffic of sex workers and over promising club promoters seems to be a total ghost town. Some club promoters though are taking this situation and seeing a benefit to it.

Eduardo a club promoter for Hakkaasan in MGM Grand told us that he sold everything in his home , but the couches and mattresses. He shares the home with his mom who was currently in a hospital bed being treated for the Corona. Eduardo took advantage of the opportunity while his mom was away to bring the club life home. “ I still gotta get paid bro… bringing the bottles for the VIP areas I made throughout the crib. It gets lit here especially during virtual rave parties I throw”. We hope for Eduardo’s mom to recover, but not too quick since there are more money making opportunities (I mean) virtual rave parties to throw.

Wook who was left in tent realizes Electric Forest ended after 10 months in k-hole

It’s been 10 months since Electric Forest ended and Peace Traveler real name Greg Olsen has finally come out of an apparent K-hole. Unnoticed by other attendees and festival organizers, Peace traveler was in a deep state while chilling in his tent. What kept him alive throughout the whole period especially when temperatures dropped was the self defecation and urination. A bond between the 2 almost created an igloo like effect that kept warmth nested in. It was also a self source for nutrients to be absorbed by the skin which kept Greg hydrated and well fed.

Greg claimed he made a huge mistake and thought that the k he was snorting was Cocaine. “I took 4 fat gator tail lines to the right nostril and that’s all I can really remember” said Greg. Now staying with relatives in Denver Colorado Greg has a lot of time to reflect and says that “when unsure always test bump the product”. Greg warns even though K-holes are fun, it ain’t cool being found like a butterfly stuck in its own cocoon of harden shit and urine.

Police search for a suspect dressed in all black who ran into a techno event

News coming out of Toronto Canada of a suspect on the run from police got lucky enough to stumble upon a techno event, which he used to his advantage to hide from authorities. The suspect, a white, tall, thin male dressed in all black who was not identified was part of an undercover drug deal gone wrong. “The suspect armed with enough MDMA to level a city is a bad PR incident waiting to happen” said event organizer Richard Hart who seemed charged up with large pupils as if had run into the suspect himself. “Finding this individual will be like finding a needle in a hay stack since everyone attending matches the description of the suspect” said Police Chief Burton Guster . Cops will only observe from outside and avoid going undercover due to the lack of terminology used among techno enthusiasts.

Social distancing music festival that will bring a record breaking crowd planned by festival organizers

Live stream performances have kept us sane, but DJ’s have had enough and are now planning a music festival with social distancing in mind. Since the lockdown, DJ’s are forced to perform for free on live streams like circus monkeys to keep fans happy while some like Bassnectar, still can’t figure out how to price gouge and charge for live stream performances. Meanwhile DJ’s are jumping on an idea that started as a rumor. Organizers are hard at work on this music festival idea and are predicting a crowd size of 150k – 200k people a day for this 3 day event. Tickets will go on sale for a low price of $1000 and attendees will receive masks, Lysol spray and tasers to ensure 6ft of distancing is place. The event will take place in Atlanta which is perfect timing since the state of Georgia is opening back up for business.