Microsoft media player visuals to blame for spike in psychedelic use during quarantine

Bill Gates apologizes and feels that the intense visuals from the media player is to blame for the recent spike in psychedelics being consumed by young adults. With nothing to do and everyone bored at home the use of LSD and other psychedelics have been slowly climbing during quarantine. At the same time Microsoft also reported a huge increase in downloads of their visualization. Microsoft has benefited from this and stocks for the company have gone up since this all started to happen. Bill Gates calls it a “blessing in disguise” and hopes that the newly added Microsoft ads on the media player continue to fulfill its duties of helping the company earn more money during this time of crisis.

Sunburn music festival in India breaks guinness world records for largest cock fest

A huge congrats to a music festival in India known as Sunburn for breaking the record for the largest cock fest anyone on earth has ever seen. What was first mistaken for as a gay pride gathering turned out to be an EDM festival where LED lights lit the night skies. On scene were the judges from Guinness World Records to witness the phenomenon and compare it to other large gatherings from the past where men were mostly present.

Without a doubt Sunburn won with no mercy in its heart and deemed the largest cock fest in the world. Awarded with an official certificate from Guinness, India definitely has bragging rights and a new title it holds proudly.

Music festivals to add porta potties designated for recreational drug use

It’s inconvenient when you’re in the porta potty trying to prep yourself for a day of festivities and someone comes knocking because they have to pee and you’re taking too long. Music festivals have been aware of the issue and have had the time to plan and make adjustments during this pandemic. Organizers from different music festivals across North America were able to get together and discuss a better way of separating those who need to do number 1 and 2 to those who are enhancing their festival experience.

Organizers agree that adding an extra 10 to 20 porta potties solely for recreational activities, which would be located next to a medic tent would be a great indicator to medical staff that someone’s going to be on a whole new level. With these new modified changes music festivals now encourage you to do as much recreational activity as you’d like in their new designated areas.

Tiesto’s baby girl who isn’t born yet will make the DJ Mag Top 100 list for 2020

Tiesto is out celebrating the news that his baby girl who’s not even born yet, earned a spot on the DJ Mag top 100 list. Tiesta (female for Tiesto) is predicted to join her father in the top 10. Tiesto’s comments on the situation claiming she’s the future of Trap music and how Trance is dead sure answers a lot of people’s questions as to why he had stepped away from being the old Tiesto we awfully miss. Still we’re happy for the big news and perhaps this maybe the beginnings of a shift in power.

SoundCloud to close all shitty accounts due to space shortage

If you’ve got a SoundCloud account and your friends consider it trash please read this! Day in and day out accounts are being made by aspiring musicians of all skill levels on SoundCloud . There has been more account signups than anticipated on SoundCloud and due to that they’ve started deleting accounts that are considered straight dog shit. Complaints of the site crashing and web pages not properly loading has caused SoundCloud to go on a purge.

How to find out if your account qualifies for the purge on SoundCloud? Get a group of your 10 best homies together and have them listen to the tracks on your SoundCloud account. Check for facial reactions and for that one occasional asshole who can’t keep mean comments to themselves. Once you’ve done all this than you’ll know.

Steve Aoki to add concrete to his cake recipe

Steve Aoki announces that he’s got a big surprise for his fans and can’t wait for the coronavirus mess to be over with to share it. It seems Steve Aoki has enhanced the flavor and life expectancy of his cakes by adding concrete to the mixture. Cakes are usually made and picked up 24 hours before any of his events and tends to lose form and softens through out that time making the process of throwing the cake sloppy. Steve Aoki also says that with concrete the flavor will preserve making it taste fresh 5x longer.

Steve Aoki strongly encourages fans to be in the front for the chance at an amazing experience. He also adds that his accuracy has improved tremendously since all he’s been doing is practicing throwing cake.

New edible glitter allows you to fart rainbows & have farts glow in the dark

The perfect product is finally here brought to you by the company ‘Unicorn Farts’! The edible glitter, which allows you to fart rainbows is now a real thing. Tests have been conducted and the product through a number of testing is now FDA approved and safe to consume. You may feel a slight constipation, but that’s normal.

The company mainly focuses on making edible glitter for gay pride parades and raves since that’s mainly the only time adults are willingly going to ingest glitter by the gallon. ‘Unicorn Farts’ came up with a glow in the dark edition for ravers, which will allow you to see neon color fart fumes… pretty cool, right? Between the rainbow and glow in the dark, farts can be seen spread as far as 25 feet from the pair of butt cheeks that let loose. Imagine losing your friends in a crowd and just texting them to fart and all you’d have to do is follow a glow or a rainbow.

‘Unicorn Farts’ believe this product will be a home run and loved amount young adults, but they also encourage all age groups to buy and fart in unity.

Trump announces EDM tour in hopes of connecting with more Millennials

Trump is taking a much different approach for his campaign strategy in 2020. It appears he didn’t capture many young voters in 2016 and it almost cost him the White House . Trump wants to avoid the possibility of losing out on young voters and has been taking private DJ lessons. It’s reported that Skrillex is the man helping Trump out and showing him how to drop the bass, which is essential considering young people love dubstep.

Skrillex claims Trump is his protege and will take the thrown once his political career is over. “The dubstep scene needs a guy like Donald Trump… A much older character in the scene who really drops filth. We’ve never had that” said Skrillex. In the meantime Donald Trump hopes that all he’s learned from Skrillex can benefit him for another successful run at the White House.

At upcoming rally’s Trump claims that he’s going to mix some of Skrillex’s best tracks from the 2010-2012 era and hopes that the nostalgia feels win the hearts of potential votes for him. He named a few tracks and I myself got a little nervous about this advantage he now holds.

Elon Musk plans to be the first person to throw EDM festival on the Moon

Elon Musk seems to be pushing the envelope with another impossible mission, which involves successfully throwing one of the biggest EDM festivals ever on the moon. Elon Musk is definitely aware of the risks and costs, but calls it charity work. “It’s not like Uber or Lift has an option to get you to and from the moon” Elon jokingly said. He’s got a few rockets in the fleet ready for lunch which would be the sole transportation from earth to the moon and back. Elon laughs as he says he’ll do better than the EDCLV bus shuttles.

As for what it will cost attendees to attend a music festival of this magnitude is actually pretty simple. Those wanting the VIP experience have to simply buy a model 3 or Y Tesla vehicle. While those on a budget doing the GA simply have to follow Elon Musk on SoundCloud and like all his tracks (he’ll know when you unfollow so don’t be slick).

A lineup is currently in the works, but Elon Musk promises that only the best names in EDM will be on it and also says he plans close out the event with an hour long set wit the latest tracks he’s currently working on.