Most parties claiming ‘one for the books’ never appeared in any books

Till this day I’ve never witnessed a party I’ve been to published in any book. I’m getting a bit annoyed at this point, especially when told “this party is one for the books”. Promoters are definitely the ones to blame for this, especially for over using the popular phrase to hype up parties with low potential. Many of us lightweights never seem to hang and end up blacked out somewhere and for this reason we look forward to this book which was mentioned, recapping the party. It would be kind of dope to have a narrative on how I made a fool of myself and became another internet meme.

Virtual rave veterans complain that the virtual scene ain’t the same anymore

Two months deep into this whole virtual rave scene and we’ve seen a whole evolutional change according to some. Those who were part of the scene before it became “mainstream” complain that there’s a whole bunch of posers. “PLUR avenger” who claims to be an OG reminisces on the old virtual rave days where people appreciated the live stream acts and were watching for the love of music. “I miss those days” said PLUR avenger. As time passes by fellow OG virtual ravers are getting together and spreading their knowledge and sharing pictures and videos of the “good old days” with in EDM groups on Facebook.

Marshmello’s mom forgot what her son looks like

We all know Dotcom took a different route to EDM popularity years ago and came out with a new entity known as Marshmello. Taking a more of a secret identity approach even though we all know who it really is by now, it seems Marshmello takes his costume look a little too far. It’s claimed by family members and friends that the helmet never comes off. His mom on the other hand has forgotten what her son looks like and even forgot what he sounds like. “Its been so long since I saw my little boy and sometimes wonder if that person in the helmet is really him”. Marshmello’s mom begs for him to take off the helmet, but he is determined to stay in character. We got to speak to his girlfriend and she claims that even during sexual intercourse the helmet stays on and by now she has gotten use to the situation and treats it as role playing during sex. Marshmello on the other hand has a stunning career that keeps getting better for him.

Ravers who were looking for Molly were actually part of a police search party

The search for Molly went cold as memories of her faded over the years. From undercover cops at events to our fellow ravers, everyone was looking for Molly. The news spread like wildfire, but no one ever found her. Flyers, shirts and even posts on social media were made in hopes of finding Molly, but no luck. Top DJs were also part of the search offering up resources in hopes of finding her. This tragic event has taught me a few things, that ravers will have each others back, this community does care and PLUR exists. The effort everyone put into this search gives me hope that this scene will never die.

Ghost producers are actually dead DJ’s

Bangers have been dropping and at times we don’t know who to really thank until now. A team of ghost busters have been investigating a case at a recording studio that is considered to be haunted. Ivan who’s lead investigator of the team and has been a ghost buster for over 40 years took this particular job due to his love of music and his belief that these amazing sequence of beats are coming from beyond the grave.

Tools like voice recorders, infrared thermometers and ghost boxes were used and placed through out the studio. Left for 24 hours to collect data and information pertaining to witness complaints, a lot that was collected coincided with statements made from those who witnessed the paranormal activities. After some research and processing it’s firmly believed that songs are still being created by producers who’ve passed away and are being taken by crappy producers to pass off as their own masterpiece. Due to privacy issues and for the respect of families still mourning names could not be released.

Ivan goes on to state that “this is not a myth and in fact true and that producers need to hop off and be more creative”. Currently there are 5 pending lawsuits from music producers against Ivan’s ghost busting agency. “The truth hurts” said Ivan.

F*ck theCoronaVirus music festival is on its way

Music fans are rejoiced with news that festival organizers are in the works of getting a music festival going even though we’re in the middle of this CoronaVirus madness. F*ck The CoronaVirus Music Festival, which is planned for the end of this month will take place in Miami, FL.

City officials have gone ahead with a list of guidelines that the music festival must follow which includes allowing festival guests to bring in cocaine to snort.

Miami city officials are sure that cocaine will keep the virus from spreading and for extra precautions the music festival will have Lysol spray fog machines to be sprayed every 10 minutes.

A police tent will be on site to make sure that drugs being used at the festival are free from the CoronaVirus and encourage festival goers to visit their tent for a better and safer party experience. They’re even willing to offer hand cuffed rides for those interested.

Glovers agree to be replacement for LED screen during Excision tour

Excision real name Jeff is known for his crazy bass heavy hits along with his visual production. I’ve been to a few of his shows and have been blown away by the level of production Jeff puts in.

Wanting to try something new that has never been done before Excision and his team are trading in their LED screens and hiring 400 glovers to perform behind Excision. The explanation for this madness is due to the rise of glovers that attend his shows and have the audacity to perform light shows and distract attendees while Excision is giving all he’s got.

“What’s the point of giving a light show with your $10 gloves when there’s a full on led display of crazy visuals by Excision’s visual team” said one attendee who was mad when someone popped up in front of her giving her a “bad high”.

Glovers have no respect and will have to be beaten at their own game so to solve the problem Excision will hire as many as it takes to have no more in crowd distraction because they’ll all be on stage performing the visuals behind him.

Types of people you’ll mostly run into at EDM festivals

Over the years I’ve met, made friends and have crossed paths with many souls at EDM festivals. I am one to definitely notice everything around me and have admired others and their styles along with the types of people I normally encounter at these music festivals. With that said these are the types of people I normally notice at EDM festivals

The aspiring social media model:

They can normally be found in groups with cell phone in hand and wearing the latest from IHeartRaves. They strive on attention and their bestie getting the best angled photos to upload on IG. Watch out for the 10% off promo codes.

The chads:

These guys are known to be in groups and don’t care about your PLUR vibes. They´re mostly found at the main stage and at the trap/dubstep stage getting “bitches”. It´s believed these chads mosh to Trance music as well. They claim to be ravers, but have only know about the EDM scene for 6 or so months.

The undercover cop:

This one is dead obvious to spot. These type of people awkwardly stand alone or in a group that has no more than 3 people and generically dress the same with generic graphic tees, each wearing a pair of new $200 running shoes and oakley sunglasses. The bonus to the undercover cop outfit is either a pair of camo pants or jeans.

The Wook:

The friendliest and most accepting group of people you’ll come across. With words of experience and festival know how’s since all they’ve been doing for the past 3 years is traveling from fest to fest. Wooks are known for their matted hair and their obsession for pins and crystals. Dressed in the most laidback chilled outfits which is usually made by the homie.

Kandi Kids:

The most positive and uplifting group of people you can find at a festival with their hand made bead bracelets, masks, cuffs and perlers. These are the creative ones that take their passion to an art form. Always down to trade with whoever and always looking for a great time.

The Crafty Ones:

Pretty much anyone with a real cool skill from shufflers, people who poi, orbiters, glovers, hoopers…. These people take their craft seriously and try to make a name for themselves with a growing influence on social media. You’ll find these type of people pretty much everywhere.

The Techno/House Snobs:

Their taste in music is god and no one can do better. These people will look at a lineup and shit on 90% of the artists. These are the people you’ll never see at a EDM festival unless you like house/techno because they’re never leaving the tent.

Bass heads:

Known for guarding the rail at the front and giving the security a great workout for holding the rails while bass heads head gang. These bass heads will throw there necks at anything with a build up and bass drop.

Depending on what festivals you’ve been to the list may vary.

Kandi masks are the key to saving EDCLV From the CoronaVirus

Kandi ravers across the nation are joining forces and saving festival season by making kandi masks. The impenetrable mask is held together by PLUR and good vibes. EDCLV is on the brink of cancelling and after Ultra Miami’s fast exit left many kandi kids nervous and willing to serve a real purpose.

Kandi Flower, who’s behind the whole movement and has been raving since the early 90´s has made over 10,000 Kandi masks. To acquire a mask one must know how to trade or they’re pretty much screwed.

The only downfall is that one must be true to raves and be PLUR at all times for it to protect against the CoronaVirus. A disclaimer on the side of the kandi mask says Chads may have an allergic reaction due to its good vibe antidote embedded inside.