Ghost producers are actually dead DJ’s

Bangers have been dropping and at times we don’t know who to really thank until now. A team of ghost busters have been investigating a case at a recording studio that is considered to be haunted. Ivan who’s lead investigator of the team and has been a ghost buster for over 40 years took this particular job due to his love of music and his belief that these amazing sequence of beats are coming from beyond the grave.

Tools like voice recorders, infrared thermometers and ghost boxes were used and placed through out the studio. Left for 24 hours to collect data and information pertaining to witness complaints, a lot that was collected coincided with statements made from those who witnessed the paranormal activities. After some research and processing it’s firmly believed that songs are still being created by producers who’ve passed away and are being taken by crappy producers to pass off as their own masterpiece. Due to privacy issues and for the respect of families still mourning names could not be released.

Ivan goes on to state that “this is not a myth and in fact true and that producers need to hop off and be more creative”. Currently there are 5 pending lawsuits from music producers against Ivan’s ghost busting agency. “The truth hurts” said Ivan.

F*ck theCoronaVirus music festival is on its way

Music fans are rejoiced with news that festival organizers are in the works of getting a music festival going even though we’re in the middle of this CoronaVirus madness. F*ck The CoronaVirus Music Festival, which is planned for the end of this month will take place in Miami, FL.

City officials have gone ahead with a list of guidelines that the music festival must follow which includes allowing festival guests to bring in cocaine to snort.

Miami city officials are sure that cocaine will keep the virus from spreading and for extra precautions the music festival will have Lysol spray fog machines to be sprayed every 10 minutes.

A police tent will be on site to make sure that drugs being used at the festival are free from the CoronaVirus and encourage festival goers to visit their tent for a better and safer party experience. They’re even willing to offer hand cuffed rides for those interested.

Glovers agree to be replacement for LED screen during Excision tour

Excision real name Jeff is known for his crazy bass heavy hits along with his visual production. I’ve been to a few of his shows and have been blown away by the level of production Jeff puts in.

Wanting to try something new that has never been done before Excision and his team are trading in their LED screens and hiring 400 glovers to perform behind Excision. The explanation for this madness is due to the rise of glovers that attend his shows and have the audacity to perform light shows and distract attendees while Excision is giving all he’s got.

“What’s the point of giving a light show with your $10 gloves when there’s a full on led display of crazy visuals by Excision’s visual team” said one attendee who was mad when someone popped up in front of her giving her a “bad high”.

Glovers have no respect and will have to be beaten at their own game so to solve the problem Excision will hire as many as it takes to have no more in crowd distraction because they’ll all be on stage performing the visuals behind him.

Types of people you’ll mostly run into at EDM festivals

Over the years I’ve met, made friends and have crossed paths with many souls at EDM festivals. I am one to definitely notice everything around me and have admired others and their styles along with the types of people I normally encounter at these music festivals. With that said these are the types of people I normally notice at EDM festivals

The aspiring social media model:

They can normally be found in groups with cell phone in hand and wearing the latest from IHeartRaves. They strive on attention and their bestie getting the best angled photos to upload on IG. Watch out for the 10% off promo codes.

The chads:

These guys are known to be in groups and don’t care about your PLUR vibes. They´re mostly found at the main stage and at the trap/dubstep stage getting “bitches”. It´s believed these chads mosh to Trance music as well. They claim to be ravers, but have only know about the EDM scene for 6 or so months.

The undercover cop:

This one is dead obvious to spot. These type of people awkwardly stand alone or in a group that has no more than 3 people and generically dress the same with generic graphic tees, each wearing a pair of new $200 running shoes and oakley sunglasses. The bonus to the undercover cop outfit is either a pair of camo pants or jeans.

The Wook:

The friendliest and most accepting group of people you’ll come across. With words of experience and festival know how’s since all they’ve been doing for the past 3 years is traveling from fest to fest. Wooks are known for their matted hair and their obsession for pins and crystals. Dressed in the most laidback chilled outfits which is usually made by the homie.

Kandi Kids:

The most positive and uplifting group of people you can find at a festival with their hand made bead bracelets, masks, cuffs and perlers. These are the creative ones that take their passion to an art form. Always down to trade with whoever and always looking for a great time.

The Crafty Ones:

Pretty much anyone with a real cool skill from shufflers, people who poi, orbiters, glovers, hoopers…. These people take their craft seriously and try to make a name for themselves with a growing influence on social media. You’ll find these type of people pretty much everywhere.

The Techno/House Snobs:

Their taste in music is god and no one can do better. These people will look at a lineup and shit on 90% of the artists. These are the people you’ll never see at a EDM festival unless you like house/techno because they’re never leaving the tent.

Bass heads:

Known for guarding the rail at the front and giving the security a great workout for holding the rails while bass heads head gang. These bass heads will throw there necks at anything with a build up and bass drop.

Depending on what festivals you’ve been to the list may vary.

Kandi masks are the key to saving EDCLV From the CoronaVirus

Kandi ravers across the nation are joining forces and saving festival season by making kandi masks. The impenetrable mask is held together by PLUR and good vibes. EDCLV is on the brink of cancelling and after Ultra Miami’s fast exit left many kandi kids nervous and willing to serve a real purpose.

Kandi Flower, who’s behind the whole movement and has been raving since the early 90´s has made over 10,000 Kandi masks. To acquire a mask one must know how to trade or they’re pretty much screwed.

The only downfall is that one must be true to raves and be PLUR at all times for it to protect against the CoronaVirus. A disclaimer on the side of the kandi mask says Chads may have an allergic reaction due to its good vibe antidote embedded inside.

High dosage of MDMA proven not lethal if ingested through the anus

Scientists in a lab in Colorado made a ground breaking discovery when they found out that high dosages of MDMA ( 250 mg every hour) ingested through the anus caused no danger toward human health, but the same could not be said if one were to take it by mouth. I got to read the test reports and also got to speak to one of the test subjects whós name cańt be released for scientific purposes.

The subject explained that after anal contractions felt from boofing came an instant release of euphoria that one could only hope for. The high over all is amazing and long lasting with a very clean come down. The subject compared the experience to being in a porno with your favorite actress. The testing was 2 hours with a dose an hour which equaled to 500 mg which is like popping over 2 orange Tesla’s in the same time frame.

Doctors at the facility where tests are being conducted went on to explain that the glands in the rectum do all the hard work and while the MDMA gets absorbed into the body from the rectum many of the toxins are left to be pooped out and that the rectum no matter the amount boofed has a way of slowly absorbing for a better long lasting high.

The study seems to be finalizing with a sure result that boofing MDMA is the safe way to go and the team plans to make that announcement very soon.

Drug Dealers are suing Ultra Music Festival for canceling

Not a good day in Miami as it seems many drug dealers are pissed and taking in the news of Ultra Miami’s cancellation the wrong way. As of this morning the city council went forward on live local television to make the official cancellation (you can see here: official statement ). “It wasn’t a great day for us that gotta hustle tourists” said Juan Pablo, who we got to interview outside of his little Havana home just west of Brickell.

Juan Pablo went on to mention that the ability to over price his goods and rip off tourists is what keeps food on the table year round for his family. He seemed devastated! We also got to speak to his neighbor who didn’t want to be identified and said that “It’s all politics” and that “Ultra didn’t want to take the heat for it”. The unidentified individual was looking forward to the festival and breaking his own personal record of stealing cell phones, which he boasted about being Just over 200 phones the last ultra.

With Miami Music Week somewhat intact it seems these Miami hustlers are going to have to target the smaller crowds and hope for the best.

Wooks use ketamine to fight off CoronaVirus

We took to Okeechobee Music & Arts Festival to hangout and ask festival goers about their festival experience so far and who they were most eager to see on the lineup. We ended up running into a group of wooks and before I could ask for their names I was already being offered a bump of K. The dude kept insisting me to snort and that it would keep me safe. I was curious to know what they were trying to keep safe from.

The one I assumed to be the leader of the pack who also held the biggest healing stone as a necklace introduced himself as “Moon Shadow” … he also claimed he was Tipper’s 2nd cousin. He went on to mention that he’d seen Bassnectar 35 times and that was only in 2019. Moon Shadow went on to mention that life on the go hasn’t been so easy and going from camping fest to camping fest takes a lot out of the body “especially if you haven’t showered in weeks” he adds.

When Moon Shadow came across news about the CoronaVirus he knew he had to keep himself and other fellow wooks safe. He told me that the power of the crystal is sacred but wasn’t enough to fight off the bad vibes from the virus and that Ketamine offered a special healing power that not even the rave gods could provide. Moon Shadow demonstrated how to take in the K for it to work… I noticed that through out the whole process he held the crystal with his left hand tightly as he snorted 3 fat bumps. He looked at me and said “this is the only correct way to do it or it won’t work”.

This experience changed my perspective on wooks and I got to see that they’re just real people living life to the fullest. Moon Shadow will be spreading good vibes, borrowing your stuff and spreading the info on how to beat the CoronaVirus this weekend at Okeechobee.

10 of the best camping music festivals to attend In 2020

A lot of memes and viral videos have definitely come out of camping music festival. On a better note memories and new friendships are also part of the camping festival experiences.

Okeechobee Music & Arts Festival:

March 5th – 8th

Okeechobee Music & Arts Festival is a 4 day surreal experience, filled with multi-genre music, immersive art and transformative events, deep in the heart of Florida’s wild wilderness.

Lightning in a Bottle:

May 20th – 25th

Lightning in a Bottle is an annual music festival in the Central Valley region of California first held in 2006.

EDC Las Vegas:

May 15th – 17th

Electric Daisy Carnival, commonly known as EDC, is the largest electronic dance music festival in North America. The annual flagship event is now held in May, at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway.

Summer Camp Music Festival:

May 22nd – 24th

Summer Camp Music Festival is a multi-day music festival created by Jay Goldberg Events & Entertainment and held annually on Memorial Day Weekend at Three Sisters Park in Chillicothe, Illinois. The event typically attracts around 20,000 visitors, of which between 8,000 and 10,000 arrive before gates open.

Electric Forest:

June 25th – June 28th

Electric Forest is a 4-day, one-weekend, multi-genre event with a focus on electronic and jam band genres, held in Rothbury, Michigan, at the Double JJ Resort. In 2017 and 2018, the festival expanded to 2 weekends back to back, before switching back to one weekend for 2019.

Camp Bisco:

July 9th – 11th

Camp Bisco is an annual three-day summer music festival that takes place at the Indian Lookout Country Club in Mariaville Lake, New York, USA. It is founded by the band The Disco Biscuits.

Shambhala Music Festival:

July 24th – 27th

Shambhala Music Festival is an annual electronic music festival held during last week in July at the Salmo River Ranch, a 500-acre farm, in the West Kootenay mountains near Nelson, British Columbia, Canada. The festival lasts 4 days and 3 nights and offers a mix of music and art in nature.

Dancefestopia:

September 10th – 13th

The 9th annual Dancefestopia Music festival will take place on Sept 10 – 13th just south Kansas City, MO. Dancefestopia features world-class production, 150 artist, 3 stages, forest camping, art installations, food & craft vendors and much more. 

Imagine Festival:

September 17th – 20th

Starting as a smaller two-day downtown event, Imagine Festival has become Atlanta’s largest EDM camping festival. Six stages host a wealth of electronic royalty at the Atlanta Motor Speedway each fall.

Lost Lands:

September 25th – 27th

Presented by top electronic bass artist Excision, Lost Lands brings the ‘the top bass music from the past 65 million years’ to Legend Valley, Ohio. Expect 1,000,000+ watts of bass!