Study: Riddim proven to lower IQ

Riddim….. it’s said to be a sub genre of dubstep, but anyone deep into dubstep seems to hate it. Before I go any further let’s not get confused with the Jamaican Riddim, which shares the same name and has given little influence to this newer version white kids are going crazy over. The behavior of those who really like Riddim has attracted the attention of medical professionals from all over the world curious to know more about Riddim lovers and why they’re less fortunate.

A psychologist in Russia has been running a study that has to do with sound waves and bpm and how the brain processes different variation of sounds. EDM was used through out testing on a few volunteers. The psychologist who is named Dr. Roxana allowed volunteers to pick the sub genre within the EDM category and ran 5 tasks for each.

She quickly noticed that the volunteer who chose to hear Riddim through out the 5 different tasks which included writing down names of closest family members did not perform well. She explained that the volunteer sat there silently while drooling and appeared to go back to normal once the music was paused. The other volunteers performed rather well and showed no signs of any negative brain activity… while the Riddim listener seemed to have fallen back from reality and in the medical world would be considered clinically brain dead.

Dr. Roxana is concerned and said that there is long term damage due to listening to Riddim. She goes on to mention that Riddim fans have a better chance at staring right into the sun with their bare eyes and avoiding any sort of self harm, but listening to Riddim would be like a gunshot to the head at point blank range.

EDCLV will only let you enter with hazmat suits unless you’re a wook

The CDC reached out to the insomniac team after closing most of Vegas off and offered a solution by allowing ravers to only attend EDCLV if they were to only wear hazmat suits and camp on festival grounds. The CDC also went on to mention that no such act as eating ass should be allowed due to the fear that the virus may further spread. Pasquale also went on to mention that “El Pulpo” will be shooting out hand sanitizing liquids to keep the germs from spreading.

Pasquale reminded us that this may not apply to the wook community and that this is more of a choice since they’re immune to about everything out there. As he went on to finish he quickly added “they have their ketamine to protect themselves”.

The CDC urges Kandi ravers to wear their hand made masks and to avoid trading and showing PLUR traditions to avoid constant human contact. Pasquale seems pretty confident and feels this edition of EDCLV will go as planned regardless of what’s going on worldwide.

F*ck theCoronaVirus music festival is on its way

Music fans are rejoiced with news that festival organizers are in the works of getting a music festival going even though we’re in the middle of this CoronaVirus madness. F*ck The CoronaVirus Music Festival, which is planned for the end of this month will take place in Miami, FL.

City officials have gone ahead with a list of guidelines that the music festival must follow which includes allowing festival guests to bring in cocaine to snort.

Miami city officials are sure that cocaine will keep the virus from spreading and for extra precautions the music festival will have Lysol spray fog machines to be sprayed every 10 minutes.

A police tent will be on site to make sure that drugs being used at the festival are free from the CoronaVirus and encourage festival goers to visit their tent for a better and safer party experience. They’re even willing to offer hand cuffed rides for those interested.

Glovers agree to be replacement for LED screen during Excision tour

Excision real name Jeff is known for his crazy bass heavy hits along with his visual production. I’ve been to a few of his shows and have been blown away by the level of production Jeff puts in.

Wanting to try something new that has never been done before Excision and his team are trading in their LED screens and hiring 400 glovers to perform behind Excision. The explanation for this madness is due to the rise of glovers that attend his shows and have the audacity to perform light shows and distract attendees while Excision is giving all he’s got.

“What’s the point of giving a light show with your $10 gloves when there’s a full on led display of crazy visuals by Excision’s visual team” said one attendee who was mad when someone popped up in front of her giving her a “bad high”.

Glovers have no respect and will have to be beaten at their own game so to solve the problem Excision will hire as many as it takes to have no more in crowd distraction because they’ll all be on stage performing the visuals behind him.

Types of people you’ll mostly run into at EDM festivals

Over the years I’ve met, made friends and have crossed paths with many souls at EDM festivals. I am one to definitely notice everything around me and have admired others and their styles along with the types of people I normally encounter at these music festivals. With that said these are the types of people I normally notice at EDM festivals

The aspiring social media model:

They can normally be found in groups with cell phone in hand and wearing the latest from IHeartRaves. They strive on attention and their bestie getting the best angled photos to upload on IG. Watch out for the 10% off promo codes.

The chads:

These guys are known to be in groups and don’t care about your PLUR vibes. They´re mostly found at the main stage and at the trap/dubstep stage getting “bitches”. It´s believed these chads mosh to Trance music as well. They claim to be ravers, but have only know about the EDM scene for 6 or so months.

The undercover cop:

This one is dead obvious to spot. These type of people awkwardly stand alone or in a group that has no more than 3 people and generically dress the same with generic graphic tees, each wearing a pair of new $200 running shoes and oakley sunglasses. The bonus to the undercover cop outfit is either a pair of camo pants or jeans.

The Wook:

The friendliest and most accepting group of people you’ll come across. With words of experience and festival know how’s since all they’ve been doing for the past 3 years is traveling from fest to fest. Wooks are known for their matted hair and their obsession for pins and crystals. Dressed in the most laidback chilled outfits which is usually made by the homie.

Kandi Kids:

The most positive and uplifting group of people you can find at a festival with their hand made bead bracelets, masks, cuffs and perlers. These are the creative ones that take their passion to an art form. Always down to trade with whoever and always looking for a great time.

The Crafty Ones:

Pretty much anyone with a real cool skill from shufflers, people who poi, orbiters, glovers, hoopers…. These people take their craft seriously and try to make a name for themselves with a growing influence on social media. You’ll find these type of people pretty much everywhere.

The Techno/House Snobs:

Their taste in music is god and no one can do better. These people will look at a lineup and shit on 90% of the artists. These are the people you’ll never see at a EDM festival unless you like house/techno because they’re never leaving the tent.

Bass heads:

Known for guarding the rail at the front and giving the security a great workout for holding the rails while bass heads head gang. These bass heads will throw there necks at anything with a build up and bass drop.

Depending on what festivals you’ve been to the list may vary.

Kandi masks are the key to saving EDCLV From the CoronaVirus

Kandi ravers across the nation are joining forces and saving festival season by making kandi masks. The impenetrable mask is held together by PLUR and good vibes. EDCLV is on the brink of cancelling and after Ultra Miami’s fast exit left many kandi kids nervous and willing to serve a real purpose.

Kandi Flower, who’s behind the whole movement and has been raving since the early 90´s has made over 10,000 Kandi masks. To acquire a mask one must know how to trade or they’re pretty much screwed.

The only downfall is that one must be true to raves and be PLUR at all times for it to protect against the CoronaVirus. A disclaimer on the side of the kandi mask says Chads may have an allergic reaction due to its good vibe antidote embedded inside.

High dosage of MDMA proven not lethal if ingested through the anus

Scientists in a lab in Colorado made a ground breaking discovery when they found out that high dosages of MDMA ( 250 mg every hour) ingested through the anus caused no danger toward human health, but the same could not be said if one were to take it by mouth. I got to read the test reports and also got to speak to one of the test subjects whós name cańt be released for scientific purposes.

The subject explained that after anal contractions felt from boofing came an instant release of euphoria that one could only hope for. The high over all is amazing and long lasting with a very clean come down. The subject compared the experience to being in a porno with your favorite actress. The testing was 2 hours with a dose an hour which equaled to 500 mg which is like popping over 2 orange Tesla’s in the same time frame.

Doctors at the facility where tests are being conducted went on to explain that the glands in the rectum do all the hard work and while the MDMA gets absorbed into the body from the rectum many of the toxins are left to be pooped out and that the rectum no matter the amount boofed has a way of slowly absorbing for a better long lasting high.

The study seems to be finalizing with a sure result that boofing MDMA is the safe way to go and the team plans to make that announcement very soon.

Tomorrowland Winter will offer discounts for 2021

With the cancellation of Tomorrowland Winter due to the CoronaVirus festival organizers decided to offer discounts. The festival was scheduled for March 14th through the 21st in Alpe d’Huez. 

A full refund is being offered. Tomorrowland have also shared that those who had purchased tickets to Tomorrowland Winter 2020 will have a first chance to buy tickets for the Winter festival in 2021, as well as a chance to buy tickets for the flagship Belgian festival in Summer 2021. Ticket holders can also expect to recieve a €50 voucher for the Tomorrowland merchandise store.

Drug Dealers are suing Ultra Music Festival for canceling

Not a good day in Miami as it seems many drug dealers are pissed and taking in the news of Ultra Miami’s cancellation the wrong way. As of this morning the city council went forward on live local television to make the official cancellation (you can see here: official statement ). “It wasn’t a great day for us that gotta hustle tourists” said Juan Pablo, who we got to interview outside of his little Havana home just west of Brickell.

Juan Pablo went on to mention that the ability to over price his goods and rip off tourists is what keeps food on the table year round for his family. He seemed devastated! We also got to speak to his neighbor who didn’t want to be identified and said that “It’s all politics” and that “Ultra didn’t want to take the heat for it”. The unidentified individual was looking forward to the festival and breaking his own personal record of stealing cell phones, which he boasted about being Just over 200 phones the last ultra.

With Miami Music Week somewhat intact it seems these Miami hustlers are going to have to target the smaller crowds and hope for the best.