Festival season to resume if ravers stop showing so much PLUR

We’ve been given an ultimatum, that in my opinion is worth taking if we want to rave anytime soon. The CDC have done their part by telling festival organizers to inform ravers that being PLUR is a no go. No mid roll hugging your homie because you’re on a good one and no trading Kandi especially trades that include head touches. The CDC will have none of it!

If that wasn’t enough the CDC is strongly urging couples not to show PDA. Holding hands may only be allowed if gloves are warn. Government drones with cameras will be hovering at low altitudes with 9mm glocks attached to them only going off when sensors indicate human to human contact. Organizers are very apologetic about these unorthodox methods, but this would be the only way to ensure music festivals won’t get cancelled going forward.