This past weekend I met this awesome wook named Starbeam, who told a few of us at a small gathering that he could time travel into the future. Curious enough to know how he could do it, I asked if he could share his experience. Starbeam looked at all of intensely as he went into storytelling mode. At this point, I knew there was no going back now as I had just unlocked his inner wook feature of storytelling.
Starbeam, like most wooks I’ve seen, had a sacred crystal and as he started to tell his cool story he took his crystal out to hold. At this point, I had assumed that the crystal had something to do with his ability to time travel. Apparently, the crystal was just for comfort because as soon as he started his story he quickly revealed that ketamine was used to help him time travel.
He went on to mention that taking a high dosage of ketamine was recommended to time travel. I’ve tried a bump of ketamine myself in the past and it took me out, so his theory didn’t add up. Seeing that some of us had lost interest in his story, he took out a baggie of white powder and poured out what looked like half a G of ketamine on to the table. He was determined to show us he wasn’t lying and at this point, I thought I was going to see something out of back to the future. Starbeam laid out two lines of ketamine, which looked like two fat albino gorilla fingers.
As he quickly snorted all of it, he flew back into the chair and became motionless. At this point we thought the wook died. He was breathing, but none responsive. We knew he had fallen into the biggest k-hole anyone had ever witnessed. We walked off leaving him there knowing he’d be fine and with time would get himself out of the k-hole. It seemed hours had passed and we were all planning on going home when he awoke from his time in deep space. In celebration he came running to us and greeted us as if he had made it hours into the future. To his surprise his future trip was nothing more than a k-hole and a near death experience.