This past weekend I met this awesome wook named Starbeam, who told a few of us at a small gathering that he could time travel into the future. Curious enough to know how he could do it, I asked if he could share his experience. Starbeam looked at all of intensely as he went into storytelling mode. At this point, I knew there was no going back now as I had just unlocked his inner wook feature of storytelling.
Starbeam, like most wooks I’ve seen, had a sacred crystal and as he started to tell his cool story he took his crystal out to hold. At this point, I had assumed that the crystal had something to do with his ability to time travel. Apparently, the crystal was just for comfort because as soon as he started his story he quickly revealed that ketamine was used to help him time travel.
He went on to mention that taking a high dosage of ketamine was recommended to time travel. I’ve tried a bump of ketamine myself in the past and it took me out, so his theory didn’t add up. Seeing that some of us had lost interest in his story, he took out a baggie of white powder and poured out what looked like half a G of ketamine on to the table. He was determined to show us he wasn’t lying and at this point, I thought I was going to see something out of back to the future. Starbeam laid out two lines of ketamine, which looked like two fat albino gorilla fingers.
As he quickly snorted all of it, he flew back into the chair and became motionless. At this point we thought the wook died. He was breathing, but none responsive. We knew he had fallen into the biggest k-hole anyone had ever witnessed. We walked off leaving him there knowing he’d be fine and with time would get himself out of the k-hole. It seemed hours had passed and we were all planning on going home when he awoke from his time in deep space. In celebration he came running to us and greeted us as if he had made it hours into the future. To his surprise his future trip was nothing more than a k-hole and a near death experience.
It’s been 10 months since Electric Forest ended and Peace Traveler real name Greg Olsen has finally come out of an apparent K-hole. Unnoticed by other attendees and festival organizers, Peace traveler was in a deep state while chilling in his tent. What kept him alive throughout the whole period especially when temperatures dropped was the self defecation and urination. A bond between the 2 almost created an igloo like effect that kept warmth nested in. It was also a self source for nutrients to be absorbed by the skin which kept Greg hydrated and well fed.
Greg claimed he made a huge mistake and thought that the k he was snorting was Cocaine. “I took 4 fat gator tail lines to the right nostril and that’s all I can really remember” said Greg. Now staying with relatives in Denver Colorado Greg has a lot of time to reflect and says that “when unsure always test bump the product”. Greg warns even though K-holes are fun, it ain’t cool being found like a butterfly stuck in its own cocoon of harden shit and urine.
Before I go any further this article is not intended to make fun of dwarfism. If you’ve ever attended a music festival there’s a high probability that you’ve seen a wook. still, till today I’ve never seen a midget wook and I’m sure you haven’t either and seeing one is considered a lifetime phenomenon.
We all know wooks love ketamine and even though ketamine is normally used as a sedative for horses, wooks have found that smaller dosages give you a high that is brought by euphoria. For little people a bump of K can be too overpowering and maybe lethal. I mean who’s ever heard of a wook that doesn’t do K? Not being able to do K maybe the real reason why you’ll never come across a midget wook.
We took to Okeechobee Music & Arts Festival to hangout and ask festival goers about their festival experience so far and who they were most eager to see on the lineup. We ended up running into a group of wooks and before I could ask for their names I was already being offered a bump of K. The dude kept insisting me to snort and that it would keep me safe. I was curious to know what they were trying to keep safe from.
The one I assumed to be the leader of the pack who also held the biggest healing stone as a necklace introduced himself as “Moon Shadow” … he also claimed he was Tipper’s 2nd cousin. He went on to mention that he’d seen Bassnectar 35 times and that was only in 2019. Moon Shadow went on to mention that life on the go hasn’t been so easy and going from camping fest to camping fest takes a lot out of the body “especially if you haven’t showered in weeks” he adds.
When Moon Shadow came across news about the CoronaVirus he knew he had to keep himself and other fellow wooks safe. He told me that the power of the crystal is sacred but wasn’t enough to fight off the bad vibes from the virus and that Ketamine offered a special healing power that not even the rave gods could provide. Moon Shadow demonstrated how to take in the K for it to work… I noticed that through out the whole process he held the crystal with his left hand tightly as he snorted 3 fat bumps. He looked at me and said “this is the only correct way to do it or it won’t work”.
This experience changed my perspective on wooks and I got to see that they’re just real people living life to the fullest. Moon Shadow will be spreading good vibes, borrowing your stuff and spreading the info on how to beat the CoronaVirus this weekend at Okeechobee.